halloweeny

i like halloween. i think it's a fun day for people to get creative, express themselves, and just generally act a little juvenile.

personally, i seem to have a problem figuring out something to be for halloween. i can almost always help other people come up with fun costume ideas. i told my friend she should go as sarah palin and i made her a sash that said caribou barbie and helped her pick out clothes, did her hair and tried to teach her the tina fey take on the governer's accent. i dressed one sister as "white trash" and another as a sleep deprived beauty queen. i gave a friend at work an EXCELLENT costume idea for next year (it's a secret). for myself though, i tend to just have fun with eyelashes. i have probably six different sets of false eyelashes that i have worn in different years. maybe this year i'll bust some out for new year's eve or mardi gras.

so yes, this year i was all feather eyelashes and glitter. i threw on some wings to justify the lashes and i actually won a prize for it all.

there were much better costumes than mine halloween night ... there was a guy dressed as michael phelps ... he was wearing a speedo and had a lot of medals around his neck. it was awesome. there was a terrorist ... really funny actually.

i guess this post has no direction, no point. other than eyelashes rock and i wish i could wear them every day of the year.

why blog?

i started this as a comment response to a post, but it was getting lengthy so i thought i'd move it here.

i originally started a blog as a way of venting. i intended it to be completely anonymous. i had fun little fantasies of someone randomly stumbling upon it, thinking it was fabulous, telling all their friends and then i would grow this huge following of blog readers. people checking in every day to see what new and wonderful, witty story i had to tell; people wanting to know how this or that went for me, caring about the events in my life, without even knowing me.

i have a few posts that spell out some crazy work situations, some personal stuff, etc. they are written in that fun, anonymous blog style with the people named things based on their personalities. a woman who acted like she was the boss of everything i said, did, breathed - she was called Not My Mom, or NMM for short. i imagined writing on for weeks and months and years and just talking about "today NMM and i went to a basketball game. it was nice. i'm sure it means tomorrow she'll be back to her normal level of crazy." and readers would just know who i was referencing. new readers would hungrily scroll down to find when she was first introduced so they'd be in the loop as to what i was talking about.

maybe all of this fantasy came because i have a blog or two that i follow like that. i also had recently delved into the world of youtube celebrities. i subscribed to a few of the seemingly omnipresent, loved across the board youtube personalities and checked their new video blogs pretty regularly.

then life got in the way of writing blogs. and i put too much pressure on myself to write cute anecdotes and be generally charming. (occasionally, those things come naturally to me. usually, i have to try for them and then it never works.)

so i started a new blog. i made the other one completely private to the rest of the world. (as far as i know. jeez, i hope so.) and started this little number. so far it's been written in inconsistent spurts with no real theme or reason. i'm pretty sure my intention was to simply have a place to talk myself through whatever was going on in my life. because there in the beginning, a lot was.

now that life has somewhat (read: not really at all) levelled off ... blogging falls lower on my to do list.

which makes me sad. because i truly like blogging.

racist pigs

i am sooo busy today. i literally have NO time to spare. but i have to get this off of my chest.

last night i was at a retail store, picking up a few things. it was late, probably only a half an hour before they closed so there were only a few people in the store. there was one cashier working and she was ringing up one lady's items, there was one gentleman behind her and then me in line. an older (mid to late 50's?) couple walked up behind me and the cashier paged another girl to come help ring people up. the woman behind me said, "we should go over there" as the new cashier walked up and told the gentleman in front of me she'd help him at her register. the man behind me said, "i think we should stay here. we'll get through a lot faster." she told him, "look, there's only one person in line" and he said, "no let's just stay here."

mind you, there was still a woman being rung up, myself in line and then these people. and the other girl had only the one gentleman with a few items in his hand. this gentleman happened to be hispanic. the thought flitted across my mind that maybe that was the reason the man wanted to stay put, but it quickly flitted right off into never never land because it seemed too silly to me to even address.

as the cashier in my line was still finishing up with the initial woman, the other cashier was handing the gentleman his bags and the woman behind me said, "see dear? if we were over there it would be our turn already" to which the man replied, (quite loudly i might add) "if it's all right with you, i'd prefer to stay right here and stand behind HER!"

i believe my jaw literally dropped. i decided that i was going to walk over to the other cashier just to ... i don't know, prove a point? that standing in a longer, slow moving line because the girl in front of you is white is R I D I C U L O U S!?!?! ahhrg! i don't understand!

i don't know, maybe something is wrong with me. for some reason, i thought that racism was something that most people had gotten over. or at the very least, learned to hide. i just don't get it! i mean, if i'm around someone who's lifestyle is drastically different than mine, whatever shade their skin is, i might be a little uncomfortable at first. feel a little out of place, maybe feel a little like a dolt for not being completely culturally savvy ... but i can't wrap my head around what it would feel like to dislike someone i don't even know based on something that has no relevance as to what caliber of person they are!

UGH! disgust. complete and utter disgust is what i felt in that moment. if the woman in front of me hadn't finished, causing the cashier to turn and address me, i would have changed lines. maybe that was the wrong thing to do. would it have been better to be rude to the cashier who greeted me, walk to the other line and hope that the man behind me felt the heat of the passive aggressive death ray i was sending out to him? i don't know, maybe.

but as i was getting settled into my car, i watched him come across the parking lot and get into his beat up old buick with, for whatever reason, a plastic shopping bag tied around the base of the antennae, i decided, i might be racist against ignorant, self-important, white trash racist pigs.

(that's a little harsh, no? no.)

soothe

sometimes when things feel really stressful, it helps me just to see soothing, calm, relaxing images.

in case you're suffering from a stressful day, i thought i might share:

hope this helps!

have a peaceful weekend ...

life's too short

last sunday, a friend and i attended a party at our mutual friend’s house. it was a small get together, just her husband, a few of her friends from church, her mom and sister, a long time family friend. some people had children and brought them and they played outside with our friends’ daughter. her husband used to be a chef so he had prepared some fancy little sandwiches for our party. he tried to make sure everyone ate plenty, warning them that if they didn’t they’d have to take some home with them for later. he pulled the nozzle hose from the sink and showed us how he’d positioned their daughters’ swing outside in perfect range for him to spray them through the kitchen window screen. he kissed his wife and said how lucky he was to have her, told her mom they needed a picture of her and her husband to add to their mantle. he waved goodbye to us as we left and thanked us for coming.

last night the friend i went to the party with tried to visit our friend at her place of work, but she wasn’t there. my friend was informed that they weren’t sure when she’d be back because her husband had died. i saw him sunday. on wednesday he was gone.

as shattering as that felt, we then found out that he committed suicide. the original story was that she came home from work to find him. the true story that she told us: he told her he was tired of being in pain (he had a back problem that made his feet hurt and go numb i guess) but then he took his nightly medication and headed to the bedroom. she heard what she thought was maybe the television remote control smashing against the bedroom wall and went in to find that it had actually been a gunshot. their nine year old daughter, i’m assuming, was in the other room.
i was told by a friend that when someone dies, maybe someone you don’t know terribly well, an acquaintance possibly, it’s hard to accept. say they die in a tragic car accident, it hurts and it’s difficult to get past. but for some reason, if they commit suicide, it just feels so much heavier. it’s so much harder to wrap your head around. i think she’s right. i started off being terribly sad about it all. what a waste. how tragic. but now i’ve really more moved on to anger. i can’t seem to grasp how anyone could be so selfish and cowardly. maybe that’s a little harsh. but really, if you’re going to do something like that, couldn’t you have the decency and consideration for your wife to not do it while she’s within feet of you? couldn’t you have the foresight to do whatever you could to preserve your little daughters innocence and mental well-being? couldn’t you think about the fact that your wife, and most likely your daughter as well, will blame themselves and ask why didn’t they do something differently? if only this, this and this … maybe they could have prevented this all?

i know there’s a reason for everything. even things that i think are horrible, i know God has a purpose for all that He does. but i can’t help but think how unfair it is that now my friend has to raise her daughter alone. or that her daughter has to grow up without her dad. without her dad to teach her how to drive a stick shift or walk her down the aisle when she gets married. i know that there’s a reason. but that doesn’t make it any easier.

Tagged

I'm so honored to be tagged for this! :] Now let's see if I can think of some non-lame random facts about me ...

1. I sing slash talk to myself all the time. Seriously, people probably think I'm crazy. I love to sing, especially jazz music. The moment I'm alone in my office, I hit play on my music and sing all by myself. Then I look like a freak because it startles me when someone comes in, since I'm lost in my own little world of singing. I probably jump 3 feet every time.
2. I always push a cart when I got to the store. Even if I absolutely know I'm not buying anything, I get a cart and push it around the store. (Lol, I think that makes me sound even more crazy.)
3. My heart physically hurts when I think about people that I miss or things that I don't like. (i.e. my dear friends moving away, my daddy going back overseas, my sister and brother-in-law living so far away with my soon-to-be nephew, etc.)
4. Maybe everyone has this, but I have an acute smell-memory. Certain smells take me back to very specific memories. There's a certain handsoap that must have been used at the camp where I was a counselor because when I use it, I'm right back in that camp. Lucky Brand perfume - I love love love the smell of it, but a girl I was once very close friends with wore it so when I smell it, it makes me think of how unpleasantly things ended between us. My Elizabeth Arden perfume smells like summertime, and evenings in May or June make me think of pre-summer school-time apathy.
5. I have ophidiophobia. Fear of snakes. Not like, funny ha ha either. No, fake ones, pictures of them, ingenius pranks, these are not even remotely amusing. In fact, they're a good way for me not to trust you anymore.
6. I over think everything. Absolutely everything. I believe the only reason my life ever moves forward is because eventually I wear myself out, thinking about and weighing options and I am forced to let go. And then God handles it.

This is where it gets sad because, I don't have 6 blog friends. And one of the only ones I do have has obviously already done it.

Oh! I know what I'll do, I'll put this on my myspace. I have plenty of myspace friends. Some who might even do it. :]

My MySpace

*Note: Due to restrictions, I won't actually be able to post this to MySpace until probably Wednesday. Ana, I'm totally tagging you. :] I miss your face.

The Rules:

1. Link to the person who tagged you.

2. Post the rules on the blog.

3. Write six random things about yourself.

4. Tag six people at the end of your post.

5. Let each person know they have been tagged.

6. Let the tagger know when your entry is up.

ultimate guide to making friends

#1 - DOTE ON THEM
the more you can give someone, the more they will like you. bend over backwards if necessary. (pay no attention if they take advantage of your kindness, it will pay off)

#2 - DIVULGE
tell them secrets. tell them secrets about other people, break confidentiality, put yourself at risk. you definitely want the kind of friends who are nicer to you when they know they can gain valuable information from you.

#3 - DON'T GIVE UP
if at first they seem to stay a little distant, persist, persist, persist. eventually you will break down their defenses. see #1 and #2 for a surefire way to achieve that goal.

#4 - DISH
share gossip with them. take their side against every person they despise and help them trash talk those people at every available opportunity. bonus points if you can make #2 apply here.