to a friend

i hope you know that, no matter what opinion you express to me, no matter how strongly we both stick to our guns in a disagreement, i'll never like you less. i think that people who have identical opinions and views on life aren't really meant to be friends. how old would it get if every discussion friends ever had was like,

"i think this."

"i completely agree."

"cool. me too."

*barf!*

something that's always bothered me ... i totally get not letting your past control or dictate who you are. i think it's way healthy for people to move past what has happened in their past and not use it as a crutch for life. however, and i may be WAY off base here, sometimes i think that maybe you DO care about what happened. i think maybe you tell yourself you don't or maybe really think you don't because i'm sure caring about it would really really hurt. but i think that caring about it, getting really pissed off about it, would maybe help you realize that you don't "think you're a better person than you really are deep down." you ARE as great of a person as you can imagine. i think that's awful to sell yourself short like that! i think that you need to be really really pissed off about what those people did to you because you do NOT deserve for ANYONE to treat you like that. i think that those people robbed a big chunk of your self worth and self confidence and that is WRONG! i don't know, like i said, i may be way off base. but i really do think that those things are related.

anyway, again, just know that no matter how hard we both argue for our side of an opinion or how silly or ridiculous you think my views on something are or vice versa, even in those moments, i still love you. if i didn't have anyone in my life who expressed an opposite opinion of mine, when would i ever be challenged to really look at what i think and why i think it? and it goes the same the other direction. i hope you don't ever think that you can't tell me that you think that God isn't real or that it's stupid for me not to click "start communication" or that our dump should keep expanding. i'll tell you that you're wrong, you'll tell me that i'm dumb and you're right, we'll both be quiet for a while and then adam levine will come on the radio and we'll talk about how much we love him. in those moments, i'll never think, ugh, "why are we friends? i can't stand this girl." (haha, even if i say, "i can't believe we're friends" ... sorry. that one just comes out. i swear i don't mean it.)

i don't know if any of this made you feel any better or made you mad or made any sense. but i just hope you know, you're my friend, no matter how many midnight showings of twilight you make me go to. just like, hopefully, i'm your friend, no matter how many times i put everything off until the last minute and then need you to kick me in my ass to get me going.

love you 4real.

-me.

people i want to punch in the face

do you have anyone in your life that you just want to be unnecessarily violent to? somebody who's name popping up on your caller ID prompts you to have visions of just punching them square in the nose*? even if they're not doing anything particularly nerve-grating ... just the sight of their name makes your fists clench and your eyes roll?

no? just me? okay.

there are whole groups of people though that i fully want to junk punch. or crack them in the skull hard enough to maybe fracture through the density in hopes that a little bit of common sense might accidentally slip in. such as:

• deadbeat dads --> the people that fall into this category include, but are not limited to, men who divorce their pregnant wives; sperm donors who have to be wrung out like a moist cloth to get a drop of financial support but become possessive and controlling of "their little girl" when the mom trys to move on with her life; anyone who's first reaction to hearing a former partner is pregnant is "it's not my kid"; and the like.
• closed-minded, know-it-all bigots, on either side of the political spectrum (i just don't understand how anyone can think that their opinion is the way, the truth and the only option, no matter what opinion they have.)

i dunno, i guess that's it for now.**

* please be aware, in my vision of punching someone square in the nose ... it's a lot more like a cartoon punch in the nose ... not at all graphic or gross. because i would feel WAY too badly to really hurt someone like that for no good reason. the deadbeat dads on the other hand ...

** my apologies for this angry sounding post. i'm not even in a bad mood, i swear!

retraction

***correction***

i am obviously NOT a computer genius seeing as how my blog roll is not doing what i thought it would.

i'm so confused.

********

i think if our IT guy could make little pocket sized, take home versions of himself, he'd make a KILLING!

fyi

i'm a super genius because i totally figured out how to use blog roll.

that is all.

no love lost?

there once was a boy.

a boy i cared a great deal about.

however, being the stupid girl that i was and am, i decided, without consulting him, that there was no way he would care about me a great deal in return.

with age comes, hopefully, wisdom.

looking through the corrective lenses of hindsight, i realize that in fact, he did.

as a matter of fact, i think he continued to for some time.

i have no idea why.

i'm sure i didn't deserve it.

but the part that shatters me the most: recognizing this means i must come face to face with lost opportunity.

the possibility that opportunity has been lost permenantly.

i held a torch for the opportunity's return for a long while.

but sadly, that torch is nearly extinguished.

i fear that i must now embrace my position and accept it for what it is.

i must let go of what could have been.

beacause what could have been, is not what is.

halloweeny

i like halloween. i think it's a fun day for people to get creative, express themselves, and just generally act a little juvenile.

personally, i seem to have a problem figuring out something to be for halloween. i can almost always help other people come up with fun costume ideas. i told my friend she should go as sarah palin and i made her a sash that said caribou barbie and helped her pick out clothes, did her hair and tried to teach her the tina fey take on the governer's accent. i dressed one sister as "white trash" and another as a sleep deprived beauty queen. i gave a friend at work an EXCELLENT costume idea for next year (it's a secret). for myself though, i tend to just have fun with eyelashes. i have probably six different sets of false eyelashes that i have worn in different years. maybe this year i'll bust some out for new year's eve or mardi gras.

so yes, this year i was all feather eyelashes and glitter. i threw on some wings to justify the lashes and i actually won a prize for it all.

there were much better costumes than mine halloween night ... there was a guy dressed as michael phelps ... he was wearing a speedo and had a lot of medals around his neck. it was awesome. there was a terrorist ... really funny actually.

i guess this post has no direction, no point. other than eyelashes rock and i wish i could wear them every day of the year.

why blog?

i started this as a comment response to a post, but it was getting lengthy so i thought i'd move it here.

i originally started a blog as a way of venting. i intended it to be completely anonymous. i had fun little fantasies of someone randomly stumbling upon it, thinking it was fabulous, telling all their friends and then i would grow this huge following of blog readers. people checking in every day to see what new and wonderful, witty story i had to tell; people wanting to know how this or that went for me, caring about the events in my life, without even knowing me.

i have a few posts that spell out some crazy work situations, some personal stuff, etc. they are written in that fun, anonymous blog style with the people named things based on their personalities. a woman who acted like she was the boss of everything i said, did, breathed - she was called Not My Mom, or NMM for short. i imagined writing on for weeks and months and years and just talking about "today NMM and i went to a basketball game. it was nice. i'm sure it means tomorrow she'll be back to her normal level of crazy." and readers would just know who i was referencing. new readers would hungrily scroll down to find when she was first introduced so they'd be in the loop as to what i was talking about.

maybe all of this fantasy came because i have a blog or two that i follow like that. i also had recently delved into the world of youtube celebrities. i subscribed to a few of the seemingly omnipresent, loved across the board youtube personalities and checked their new video blogs pretty regularly.

then life got in the way of writing blogs. and i put too much pressure on myself to write cute anecdotes and be generally charming. (occasionally, those things come naturally to me. usually, i have to try for them and then it never works.)

so i started a new blog. i made the other one completely private to the rest of the world. (as far as i know. jeez, i hope so.) and started this little number. so far it's been written in inconsistent spurts with no real theme or reason. i'm pretty sure my intention was to simply have a place to talk myself through whatever was going on in my life. because there in the beginning, a lot was.

now that life has somewhat (read: not really at all) levelled off ... blogging falls lower on my to do list.

which makes me sad. because i truly like blogging.