It's Always Too Long

I never post blogs anymore. I'm sorry about that. I really enjoy blogging actually. I think the problem is just that I don't sit at a desk all day anymore. Well, that's no kind of problem, but still.

Basically things are really good. I love my job, I really like the people I work with on the whole, I'm really happy with the progress I'm making financially, I'm feeling pretty stable. Some things are still not quite as I'd like them to be, but it will come in time I'm sure.

That paragraph had a lot of "I" in it. That's something I'm trying to work on. I get so wrapped up in my own mind and my own inner workings that I sometimes lose sight of the world around me. I try not to, and am usually successful, but every once in a while I realize that I'm motoring a hundred miles a minute all about me. I need to think about and pray about other people, not just my own needs and situations.

Today I sat out and enjoyed the sunshine for a while. I didn't intend to, but I totally sunburned myself. Being the preacher of SPF that I am to anyone who will listen, and some who won't, I'm so mad at myself for it! It was nice though, feeling the sun warming my skin. It makes me excited to be on vacation somewhere that I can hop up and jump into a body of water to cool off when it gets too hot.

I suppose I'll wrap up this boring post. I'll try to post something more interesting, more often.

Toodles. :)

Peace

Occasionally I like to scroll back through my blog posts and remind myself of where I was.

This is useful to me in that, sometimes, I find myself reading something that describes the way I'm feeling at that moment with incredible accuracy. Ideally, that shouldn't be the case. I shouldn't blog about how I'm feeling, how I plan to change it and then in months ahead, find that I've circled back to where I started.

Other times, I read something and I think, 'Wow, how freaking happy am I that that's not me anymore?'

Today I realized that it's been well over three months since I started toying with the idea of pursuing a different career. I mean, I guess I've always kind of got that in mind, but the beginning of November is when I actually started the process of mentally letting go of this place and sincerely hoping that it might be time to move on soon.

When I read that entry in November about how fearful I am of change and how much guilt I attach to things that definitely don't need it, I felt so blessed to realize how far I've come. I really think that I've actually always craved change. It's just easier to be afraid of it and hold it at arm's length. Today is a big day in the realm of change and I am so incredibly excited about the possibilities! Even if it doesn't pan out for whatever reason, I am so ready for the next step. And, although I feel the occasional pang of guilt here and there, I think I've done a good job in stepping out of that unhealthy pool. I will not feel guilty for trying to make my life better, as long as I'm not stomping on people's heads to do it.

I'm letting God have full control this afternoon. I try to do that all times of all days, but I'm especially focused on it today. I know if this is where God means for me to go, the path will be laid out. I'm so freaking excited to see if that's the case.

Here goes nothing!

fingers crossed

i currently have four irons in the fire by way of options for new employment. one of them i would maybe take if it was offered, one i would most likely take if offered, but i wouldn't mind terribly if it wasn't, one i would probably really enjoy and one of them i would squeal and do a happy dance if i got it.

they all have their pros and cons, even the happy dance one which is half an hour away. and i know this isn't the climate to be looking for work or to be picky for that matter.

but i would really appreciate prayers. maybe prayers in the general leaning of the happy dance one.

oh happy dance, how i wish to dance you.

anticipation

i was told by my inside source that i'm on the list for interviews with for the job i applied for. i haven't received an official call saying so, but i'm trying to wait patiently. i've already started taking some random things home from work so that i won't have a ton of stuff to pack up when the time comes. i've already started focusing on all the positive things that would come from this new job.

i guess i should really try not to get ahead of myself, but if the pay is even a bit comparable, i really believe i'll take it. it's time.

prayers are always appreciated. thank you. :)

weekend update

i was told by my dear friend Kristina that i don't blog enough. and that i'm not allowed to check her blog for new posts unless i've posted one myself. well, fine then. but, this also means that every time i check and she doesn't have one, i get to write a strongly worded comment on her blog, demanding updates. :)

i love the fourth of july. it's really one of the best holidays. you get to blow stuff up, shoot sparkly things in the sky, barbecue and hang out with family. and get paid time off. i mean, what could be better? really.

it was such a nice, low stress weekend. nothing really went as planned and that was totally fine. i started the weekend helping a friend at work celebrate his promotion, i spent some time watching a deadliest catch marathon (and now i want to go crabbing. i mean, i think i'll be super let down to catch red rock crab and not alaskan king, but still. it's fun.). i got to hang out with my family, give my pregnant aunt a foot rub (she had ankles again for a little while!) we lit fireworks and ate good food. i got to have coffee with Krissy (who i haven't actually gotten to hang out with in FAR too long) and, even though our current favorite show wasn't on last night, i got to hang out with Leslie as well.

my conversation over coffee was enlightening and got me thinking. (as most conversations with Kristina do.) about six months ago, i set up a loose one year plan for myself. there was no definitive goal for the end of the year, other than "something will change" ... whether that change meant moving to LA to attend cosmetology school or to portland for a change of pace or figuring out a way to go back to school and possibly become a teacher. just something had to change because i was not at all happy with the way things were/are.

well, just making that decision has gotten me this far. knowing that action would be taken has buoyed my spirits until now. however, i'm realizing that nothing much has truly changed. i'm supposed to be in process, setting myself up for the better things that are to come. but i'm still just kind of treading water. so chatting openly and frankly about where i'm at, how happy that makes me and where i might like to be ... that was a nice reminder that i need to kick it in gear.

so i might be getting a third job. i might be filling all of my evenings and weekends with work and pushing myself to the limit. i might hate it at times. i might be exhausted a lot. but it's all for a purpose. it's to a better end. it will be worth it. i can't advance to the point in my life that i'd like to be at if i stay stagnant.

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update: since starting this post, i've learned that my old boss here was let go. his position was eliminated company wide. so apparently the "corporate restructure" emotional roller coaster nightmare that we endured last year is happening again. but honestly, i'm not concerned this time. i mean, i don't think that i'm beyond the reach of it all or in any way "safe" ... but i feel like whatever happens, is meant to happen. i'm kind of looking forward to these next few months. they shouldn't be boring, at the very least!

ALSO: my pregnant aunt is no longer pregnant! little Rilee Kennedy came out to join our crazy family! :D welcome Rilee! we love you already!