Monday, October 27, 2008

why blog?

i started this as a comment response to a post, but it was getting lengthy so i thought i'd move it here.

i originally started a blog as a way of venting. i intended it to be completely anonymous. i had fun little fantasies of someone randomly stumbling upon it, thinking it was fabulous, telling all their friends and then i would grow this huge following of blog readers. people checking in every day to see what new and wonderful, witty story i had to tell; people wanting to know how this or that went for me, caring about the events in my life, without even knowing me.

i have a few posts that spell out some crazy work situations, some personal stuff, etc. they are written in that fun, anonymous blog style with the people named things based on their personalities. a woman who acted like she was the boss of everything i said, did, breathed - she was called Not My Mom, or NMM for short. i imagined writing on for weeks and months and years and just talking about "today NMM and i went to a basketball game. it was nice. i'm sure it means tomorrow she'll be back to her normal level of crazy." and readers would just know who i was referencing. new readers would hungrily scroll down to find when she was first introduced so they'd be in the loop as to what i was talking about.

maybe all of this fantasy came because i have a blog or two that i follow like that. i also had recently delved into the world of youtube celebrities. i subscribed to a few of the seemingly omnipresent, loved across the board youtube personalities and checked their new video blogs pretty regularly.

then life got in the way of writing blogs. and i put too much pressure on myself to write cute anecdotes and be generally charming. (occasionally, those things come naturally to me. usually, i have to try for them and then it never works.)

so i started a new blog. i made the other one completely private to the rest of the world. (as far as i know. jeez, i hope so.) and started this little number. so far it's been written in inconsistent spurts with no real theme or reason. i'm pretty sure my intention was to simply have a place to talk myself through whatever was going on in my life. because there in the beginning, a lot was.

now that life has somewhat (read: not really at all) levelled off ... blogging falls lower on my to do list.

which makes me sad. because i truly like blogging.

Friday, October 24, 2008

racist pigs

i am sooo busy today. i literally have NO time to spare. but i have to get this off of my chest.

last night i was at a retail store, picking up a few things. it was late, probably only a half an hour before they closed so there were only a few people in the store. there was one cashier working and she was ringing up one lady's items, there was one gentleman behind her and then me in line. an older (mid to late 50's?) couple walked up behind me and the cashier paged another girl to come help ring people up. the woman behind me said, "we should go over there" as the new cashier walked up and told the gentleman in front of me she'd help him at her register. the man behind me said, "i think we should stay here. we'll get through a lot faster." she told him, "look, there's only one person in line" and he said, "no let's just stay here."

mind you, there was still a woman being rung up, myself in line and then these people. and the other girl had only the one gentleman with a few items in his hand. this gentleman happened to be hispanic. the thought flitted across my mind that maybe that was the reason the man wanted to stay put, but it quickly flitted right off into never never land because it seemed too silly to me to even address.

as the cashier in my line was still finishing up with the initial woman, the other cashier was handing the gentleman his bags and the woman behind me said, "see dear? if we were over there it would be our turn already" to which the man replied, (quite loudly i might add) "if it's all right with you, i'd prefer to stay right here and stand behind HER!"

i believe my jaw literally dropped. i decided that i was going to walk over to the other cashier just to ... i don't know, prove a point? that standing in a longer, slow moving line because the girl in front of you is white is R I D I C U L O U S!?!?! ahhrg! i don't understand!

i don't know, maybe something is wrong with me. for some reason, i thought that racism was something that most people had gotten over. or at the very least, learned to hide. i just don't get it! i mean, if i'm around someone who's lifestyle is drastically different than mine, whatever shade their skin is, i might be a little uncomfortable at first. feel a little out of place, maybe feel a little like a dolt for not being completely culturally savvy ... but i can't wrap my head around what it would feel like to dislike someone i don't even know based on something that has no relevance as to what caliber of person they are!

UGH! disgust. complete and utter disgust is what i felt in that moment. if the woman in front of me hadn't finished, causing the cashier to turn and address me, i would have changed lines. maybe that was the wrong thing to do. would it have been better to be rude to the cashier who greeted me, walk to the other line and hope that the man behind me felt the heat of the passive aggressive death ray i was sending out to him? i don't know, maybe.

but as i was getting settled into my car, i watched him come across the parking lot and get into his beat up old buick with, for whatever reason, a plastic shopping bag tied around the base of the antennae, i decided, i might be racist against ignorant, self-important, white trash racist pigs.

(that's a little harsh, no? no.)

Friday, October 10, 2008


sometimes when things feel really stressful, it helps me just to see soothing, calm, relaxing images.

in case you're suffering from a stressful day, i thought i might share:

hope this helps!

have a peaceful weekend ...