Tuesday, July 26, 2011

So Little

I have so little to say.

I mean, that's not true. If you've ever met me, you KNOW that's not true. I could talk to you for hours about nothing special.

But I feel like I'm all talked out. I have nothing more to say on the subject. I guess I could say that I feel helpless, out of control. Not in a good way, like things will just go as planned. But like, free falling, someone please show me which way is up kind of way.

There's so much I want to be different. So much change I long for.

And yet, when it really boils down to it, I resist change. Who am I kidding? I shove change away with two hands, feet if necessary. But why? It's all change for the better. Good change. Healthy change. Happy, desired, life improving change! Why am I so so resistant?

I used to openly hate change. I thought I learned to embrace it. Almost every change I've adopted in my life, willingly or not, has been for the exponentially better. So what the fricking heck is my problem?

I need to stop now. I'm just getting annoyed at me and that's not helping anything.

Good night, my much neglected blog.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Take A Breath

In reviewing some past emails and blog entries I have come to the following conclusion: I am very skilled at using a WHOLE lot of words, to say nothing at all.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

The How And The Why.

Why is it that one person can say something to you, and although you know the words are kind and sweet and possibly even something many people wish someone would say to them ... instead it makes your skin crawl a little and you get inexplicably irritated and angry about it?

But no, even imagining someone you would want to say something like that saying it, it doesn't fit. Perhaps because the reason you're imagining that specific someone is exactly because they would probably never say something as sappy and irritating as that?

Why is it that paths never meet as you think they should? I firmly believe that I don't have the answers, that my ideas of what would or should be perfect are far from what may actually be so. I believe if things are supposed to happen, they will. But how is it that vision can be so clouded that you really believe it's supposed to be one way, even when it's clearly not going to be? What is that delusion that keeps you stuck there? It seems too dark to be hope.

Things are rarely easy, and that's okay with me. I'm not asking for easy. I'm just asking.