Wednesday, November 18, 2009

RIP qwerty

today has been an eff of a day. i have faith that it could turn around, i do. but aside from some small, completely superficial and irrelevant pleasures (read: this and yeah, this too) so far, this day is for crap.

the most recent development, i dumped my entire water bottle into my keyboard. my very favorite, ergonomic, fancy pants keyboard. the keyboard i have moved with me as i've changed jobs around here. i drained it (yes, there was that much water) and ran paper towels between the keys, but it's still entering a perpetual 1, over and over and over. Keegan says it might recover in a couple of days, and i believe it might. but in the interim, i'm using a crap flat keyboard. i can feel my hands getting crampy already. and i'm typing like a freaking beginner. i keep having to look down for keystrokes. my fingers knew that other keyboard so well, they just floated over it. i miss it.

plus, now i have no clean yummy filtered water from home to drink. like i said, this day is for crap.

(eff dude. i'm now realizing that the rolly scrolly thing on my mouse isn't working either. sad sad sad sad.)

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

fingers crossed

i currently have four irons in the fire by way of options for new employment. one of them i would maybe take if it was offered, one i would most likely take if offered, but i wouldn't mind terribly if it wasn't, one i would probably really enjoy and one of them i would squeal and do a happy dance if i got it.

they all have their pros and cons, even the happy dance one which is half an hour away. and i know this isn't the climate to be looking for work or to be picky for that matter.

but i would really appreciate prayers. maybe prayers in the general leaning of the happy dance one.

oh happy dance, how i wish to dance you.

Thursday, November 12, 2009


i was told by my inside source that i'm on the list for interviews with for the job i applied for. i haven't received an official call saying so, but i'm trying to wait patiently. i've already started taking some random things home from work so that i won't have a ton of stuff to pack up when the time comes. i've already started focusing on all the positive things that would come from this new job.

i guess i should really try not to get ahead of myself, but if the pay is even a bit comparable, i really believe i'll take it. it's time.

prayers are always appreciated. thank you. :)

Friday, November 6, 2009

the time has come, the walrus said

well, i officially applied for a different full time job this week. i found out that i'm on the list for interviews, but that the job doesn't pay as much as my current one.

initially, this made me count this out as an option. i also know the preschool at our church is hiring a part time teacher for a 3:30 to 6:30 shift. if i shuffle my hours at my current job a little, i would still be working withing the limitations they've set, but i could leave early enough to work in the pre-school as well. those will be some long days if it comes to that.

then this afternoon, after my boss had left work, he called me from his cell phone and reamed me out for about five minutes. all of the details aren't important, but basically he wanted me to finish a project but i hadn't received all the information i needed to complete it and he spent a long time telling me that i should have been hounding people for the information every day until i got it. (never mind that these people are salaried managers and were expressly told, by him, to get me the information. apparently, according to him, they are incapable of doing that unless i continually and consistently nag them for it. but that's not really the point.)

in the moments after i hung up the phone, i felt so angry and frustrated (and slightly worthless) that i thought, you know what? for a little peace of mind and a lot less stress, maybe i'd be okay with making less per hour. at this point, it might end up being more per week.

at the very least, if they call me for an interview, i'm going. i firmly believe that if it's where God wants me, it will all work out. that's just the way it is.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

moving forward

i have such a hard time with change. i think pretty much everyone does on some level or another. but i really struggle with it, to the point where i don't usually accept it until it's forced on me. even if it's obviously for the better.

i was just told today about a job that i should really probably do everything in my power to get. it's full time, 10am to 6:30pm, benefits, etc. i don't know how much it pays, but likely, it's equal to or greater than what i make now. it seems like something i could do easily, but also get to learn a lot of new stuff.

my problem comes in when i think about leaving my current job. even though i know it's likely a smart move to leave, i obviously suffer with some crazy underlying guilt issues. and the fear of change. i like my friends at work, i like eating lunch with them and knowing what's going on in their lives. i like so many people i work with. i feel like i'd be abandoning them to leave. despite glaring warning signs that i should probably jump ship.

in the end, i think i need to do what's best for me. i need to remember that it's still possible to be friends with people even if you don't see them at work every day. and that it's not my responsibility to squeak by paycheck to paycheck just because someone lays a guilt trip on me for mentioning the possibility of leaving.

i think i get the most peace knowing that my decision is in God's hands. in my experience, when i've really wanted to do something and it hasn't been right, doors have been closed. arrows have pointed me away. other times when there were things i was on the fence about or had no intention of doing at all, pieces just fell into place, like a path being laid out before me. i think that God makes it pretty obvious to me if certain things are His will or not, my job is just to stop being so thick skulled so that i might actually see it.

these next couple of weeks could get interesting.