Monday, March 30, 2009

the joy of complaining

there are a lot of people who complain about the ways things are in their lives. and complain, and complain, and complain. the same complaints, over and over and over again. i have to think though, if the source of the complaint was removed, it wouldn't actually make the complainer any happier. because, well, then what would they have to complain about?

i definitely can be guilty of this at times. whining about something mostly because i want the person i'm whining at to a) feel sorry for me, b) think more highly of me for dealing with *whatever* and/or c) side with me and make me feel justified in my unhappiness at the situation/person/people/etc.

but when i see that in myself, i find it really annoying. because i find it terribly annoying when other people do it to me. it basically sucks any real sympathy or empathy i would have felt for them and their situation right out of me after the fifth time i get to hear the same example of why this particular person is just so awful.

so, if i see a trait in others that i don't like, and i know that i can be guilty of it at times, i have to do whatever i can to change it. i've tried to nullify the "good" feelings that i think i'm getting by complaining. when i find myself thinking something like, 'i can't believe SoAndSo. i'm totally telling SomePerson about how awful SoAndSo is. SomePerson will understand.' i try to stop and assess ... will it really make me feel better to rant on about SoAndSo? or will it end up making me feel worse once the guilt sets in? usually, at that point, i've talked myself out of complaining.

ideally, "complaining" less will lead to less gossip and less beating myself up over not just keeping my mouth shut.

i think this was all very convoluted. the point is: some people complain for the good tingly feelings they get when others feel sorry for them. although they may think it would make them happy, fixing the problem would not help, because the point isn't the problem, it's the attention they get while complaining about it.

sidebar #1: if you're reading this, you're most likely not any of the people vaguely referenced in the preceding.

sidebar #2: all that being said, occasionally, a girl just needs to whine. what can you do?

Wednesday, March 18, 2009


that's really all i've got to say on the matter.

yeah, i get it. that doesn't make it any less lame.

you know who you are. and that was really super lame of you.


Tuesday, March 17, 2009

one handed blogging

... is hard! i don't know how people can do the whole "hunt and peck" mode of typing. it's making me crazy!!

okay. hands free again. as crazy as one handed typing makes me, it's totally worth it when the other hand is busy cradling a sleeping peanut of a baby.

i am SO loving having my sister and nephew here. my brother-in-law isn't too bad to have around either, but he's not really around much. and he's being slightly douche-ish so it's mostly nice and peaceful to snuggle the baby and dye my sister's hair.

currently, we're sitting here, my sister with her second round of uber blonde dye in her hair. holden's chilling with his GI g-pa.

i'm already sad thinking about them leaving so soon. we still have a decent amount of time with them, but it's just not enough.

well, i'm going to have some dinner because it's almost time for choir. :]

peace out.

Sunday, March 15, 2009


so, i was thinking about putting the url for my blog on my twitter profile. but i was pretty sure i didn't want to.

i mean, there are certain people who read my blog, and that's all well and good. i would totally love for those people to be on twitter with me, but would i really love for anyone who's on twitter to be able to read my blog? maybe not.

kind of like, there are plenty of people that are friends on my facebook or myspace (jeez, it sounds like i'm some sort of social networking maven or something) but i wouldn't necessarily want all of those people to have access to my blog. but i wouldn't mind if anyone who reads my blog was friends with my on myspace or facebook. as a matter of fact, i think they all are.

so what is this saying? mostly, that my blog readers are a privileged bunch. (oh yes, indeed you are. :] )

but is there really a reason for that? i mean, i'd love to have more people reading my blog. i guess it's not like i blog about anything intensely personal. and if there was anyone who had a problem with something that i wrote about, well then, they don't have to read it. i am who i am and people don't have to like it. so why the crap not? why not break the barriers separating my different mediums of expression and make them available to any and all who care?

well, if i'm being honest, linking my blog from my twitter profile really won't bring in anyone new. one, maybe two people. so what the heck is my deal?

i don't think i'll go so far as linking my blog to my facebook or myspace yet. baby steps. i'll start with twitter.

i'm thinking this was basically a really pointless blog entry.

if you read it, i apologize.


Saturday, March 14, 2009


i'm pretty sure i got more done today at work in a half day than i really accomplished all week.

i don't know if that is because on saturdays there are less immediate demands on my time, interrupting the flow of my work, or just because i've been in a bit of a funk this week and it was only yesterday that i was given an entirely effective motivational speech to snap out of it.

here are a few little snipplettes of said speech.

You are in control. you are in control of your own destiny, fate is non existent, dont believe in boundaries, exceed all your goals by taking what you want, when you want it. PERIOD

Pin your goals on everything, right them down on the mirror you look at yourself in everyday, make lists for everything, write everything down. MY NUMBER ONE THING IS, EVERYTHING and I mean EVERYTHING, takes hard, hard work, and practice. EVERYTHING. Nothing comes easy. So dont let anyone walk on you. You should be walking on them.

Energize yourself. Go to a place that brings you joy, sleep longer, and come here ready to beat the shit out of your work

Drive fast, listen to your music loud, yell at people, yell at everything

Attack Everything

There, now go feel better

seriously, much of this was just what i needed to hear. i can usually dredge up motivation for myself, pull myself out of a slump. but it just seems so much more effective when it comes from someone else.

i am very grateful for a friend who's perceptive enough to have seen that i needed a little pick me up, and nice enough to offer it. thank you!

Thursday, March 12, 2009


i've recently joined the social networking phenom that is twitter. at first i really didn't get it ... i'm actually still missing some vital abilities to maximize my twittering capabilities. i've figured out how to make a tiny link and how to reply to people or favorite a post. i think i know how to add a picture using twitpic or whatever. but i wish i knew how to upload a picture from my phone. i probably need a cooler phone for that.

anyway, twitter is really actually pretty cool once you get into it. i have a few "real" people on mine ... read: people i know in real life. i also follow some celebrity tweeters. (lol, i love twitter terminology) i don't think it's any different than following a celebrity blog except that they have less room to wax philisophical about whatever their current opinion is. i might even consider following john mayer's tweets, although i would never follow his blog. too annoying. actually, his tweets are annoying too.

one of my favorite things is when you go to "find people" to ... well, to find people to follow ... and the tag line is "Find people. Follow them." it's like a serial stalker's mantra.

so if you want to be super cool and stalk me on twitter, feel free! i mostly post my unimportant opinion and/or observations. and i text things into it when i'm bored. and if you set up an account, i'll stalk you right back! :] that should make your day.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

reality check

so i have no idea why this is hitting me so hard just now ... but i suddenly came to the realization that my dad is really leaving again.

i want to go crabbing with him once more before he leaves so i called him to find out when would be good for him and there's basically one day between now and when he leaves. i've known for so long, or at least in the beginning, suspected, that he would be going back. but i guess i was in denial or something. now suddenly, here it is. he's going to be gone again.

i hate it when he's gone. i hate knowing that i can't just call to ask him something or stop by and give him a big hug. i hate my car while he's gone. i hate being afraid of something bad happening. i can't even think about that.

ugh, okay. crying at work = not such a good option. i have to stop now.

i guess just please keep my daddy in your prayers. and my mom and sisters too. it's hard at home with a piece missing.

inverse relationships

i have noticed that my boss's irritation with me goes up in direct correlation with how late i stay at work. the closer to "quitting time" ... the less happy he is. the later i work, the better. but no overtime ...

it's especially helpful that i normally get here before he does. if i do that and then stay until after he leaves, all without going into overtime, he's pleased as punch. even if my work habits don't fluctuate in any way. for example, nothing has changed now except that i've been leaving at or close to the appropriate time. still getting here earlier than him, still working the same. but actually seeing me leave seems to have a negative affect on my reflected worth. i wonder if he just pretends that when he leaves and i'm still at my desk and then the next morning when he comes in, there i am, that i simply stayed there through the night.

it's all very interesting.

possibly related: does my blogging increase with any correlation to an increase of negative feelings toward my boss?

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

watching out for me

God is always watching out for me. in big ways and small ways. in ways i'm sure i never even see.

He protects me from my own stupidity, and from that of others.

there is a back woods, dinky country road that i drive on to go to and from work. in the middle of it, there's a stop sign. i'm not a big stop-sign-runner ... like, ever. but you can see for miles in both directions down the road that crosses mine. so i usually slow down significantly and look a few times in each direction, but then just go on through.

well, last week sometime, or maybe two weeks ago now, i did just that. i slowed way down and looked probably three times in each direction. nothing. so i crossed the road and as i got to the other side of the intersection, i glanced in my rear view mirror and there, just entering from the right was a red car. i have no idea why this car was going so slowly or where in the world it came from because i'm sure i didn't see it. i was really shaken up thinking through all the what-if's.

what if they hadn't been going so slowly? what if they had plowed right into the passenger side of my car? what if they had veered off the road trying to avoid a collision or something?

what if i had just stopped like i was supposed to?

so i thanked God profusely for keeping me safe and vowed to always stop at that sign. and i have been.

thank you God for protecting me, even if i don't deserve it.

Monday, March 2, 2009


this weekend i parted my hair on the opposite side of what i normally do.

i'm not sure why i thought people would notice. maybe just because to me, i look totally different.

i'm sure there's some deep philosophical meaning behind this discovery.

i have no idea what it is.