Monday, March 30, 2009

the joy of complaining

there are a lot of people who complain about the ways things are in their lives. and complain, and complain, and complain. the same complaints, over and over and over again. i have to think though, if the source of the complaint was removed, it wouldn't actually make the complainer any happier. because, well, then what would they have to complain about?

i definitely can be guilty of this at times. whining about something mostly because i want the person i'm whining at to a) feel sorry for me, b) think more highly of me for dealing with *whatever* and/or c) side with me and make me feel justified in my unhappiness at the situation/person/people/etc.

but when i see that in myself, i find it really annoying. because i find it terribly annoying when other people do it to me. it basically sucks any real sympathy or empathy i would have felt for them and their situation right out of me after the fifth time i get to hear the same example of why this particular person is just so awful.

so, if i see a trait in others that i don't like, and i know that i can be guilty of it at times, i have to do whatever i can to change it. i've tried to nullify the "good" feelings that i think i'm getting by complaining. when i find myself thinking something like, 'i can't believe SoAndSo. i'm totally telling SomePerson about how awful SoAndSo is. SomePerson will understand.' i try to stop and assess ... will it really make me feel better to rant on about SoAndSo? or will it end up making me feel worse once the guilt sets in? usually, at that point, i've talked myself out of complaining.

ideally, "complaining" less will lead to less gossip and less beating myself up over not just keeping my mouth shut.

i think this was all very convoluted. the point is: some people complain for the good tingly feelings they get when others feel sorry for them. although they may think it would make them happy, fixing the problem would not help, because the point isn't the problem, it's the attention they get while complaining about it.

sidebar #1: if you're reading this, you're most likely not any of the people vaguely referenced in the preceding.

sidebar #2: all that being said, occasionally, a girl just needs to whine. what can you do?

No comments: