daddy-o

this started as a response to my mom's blog post about the dads in her life (btw, in case i haven't told you this, i kind of love that my mom blogs. she's so hip. or something.) but it was getting too long, so i decided to move it here.

i remember my daddy crimping my hair. and not just like, a crimped piece here and there ... my whole head would be a crimped wonder!

when we saw those ads for the "fancy" hair doohickey things on tv that would flip your pony tail inside out, he was like, psh. i can do that. and he did. (it might have hurt a little, but beauty is pain, right?)

i remember him cutting my nails and tweezing slivers out of my feet. insisting that (after i climbed into the apple tree with the assistance of a step ladder and then couldn't actually reach the step ladder to get back down) *in a sing song voice* "if you can't get up, you can't get down, so don't get up at all." and making me figure it out. actually, in fairness, i think he helped me down the first two times and then he was like, nope. figure it out. lol.

i remember him wrestling in the front yard with me and the neighbor boy. that kid was totally jealous that my dad was cool enough (immature enough? :) ) to come out and play with us. he let us dress up in his army digs and use his face paint so we could hide in the trees and terrorize innocent pedestrians walking down our street. (maybe he didn't know exactly what we were using it for.) my favorite was getting lifted up to crawl on the ceiling through the house, only to end in my parents' room, getting dropped from the ceiling to the water bed. i miss that water bed. those were fun times.

i remember my daddy making us breakfast of graham crackers and milk. he also makes big breakfasts of pancakes and eggs and bacon and hashbrowns. he would invent meals. the rice, cream of mushroom soup and hamburger that we affectionately call goulash or slop. i love how he adds brown sugar to basically everything he makes. like, really. everything. if we ever think maybe something has gone bad or shouldn't have sat out all night, he'll be the first to try it and inevitably declares it "fine" ... stomach of steel.

i remember when he came out and saved me when i broke my arm rollerblading. i knew it would be okay because he said it would.

the first time i really remember seeing him cry. when we had to put daisy to sleep. i don't think it was so much about the dog as it was about seeing all of us completely broken down.

i remember when he taught me how to change a tire in preparation for a post high school road trip to california. and when he loaded up in the car and drove almost five hours practically to the state line to rescue us when my car broke down on that road trip. even though his own temperamental vehicle ended up needing a repair on the way down too.

he taught me to change my oil, but still changes it for me since i can't seem to retain that information.

i remember when he taught me to drive at the tender age of what ... 11? 12? although that got shut down once my mom found out ...

he pulled my teeth when i was too afraid to pull them myself. never seemed mad when i woke him up in the middle of the night because i'd had a bad dream. doesn't judge me when i blatantly make the wrong decision.

he taught me how to crab and how to build a fire and how to have no fear.

when all of my friends bailed on me when i was moving, he hooked up his trailer and came to my apartment at 10:00 at night to load up all the big stuff ... bookshelves, bed, dining room table ... even though he had to get up for work at 4:oo the next morning.

he trusted me with riding his motorcycle before i really knew what i was doing, and didn't even give me a hard time for laying it down. twice. i honestly thought he'd be more concerned about the bike, but he saw my foot and knee and hands bleeding and didn't seem mad at all.

i can't even recount the number of times my car has broken down and he's come to save me. all without the slightest "i told you so" attitude. weellll ... maybe the slightest ...

i know i'm leaving things out. it's hard to get it all in one place. and in all fairness, my mom was involved in a lot of these too. but this is for dad's day.

thank you daddy. thank you for being my daddy and being the best one there is.

i love you.

i miss you.

be safe.

an "aha!" moment ...

i mentioned on twitter yesterday that i was having my mind blown by a devotion i'd missed and was catching up on.

a portion of the devotion is below. i've just posted from where it started opening my eyes in a simple, and yet incredible, way.

i often find myself feeling like maybe i'll never have the things (read: not "things" but more like experiences, circumstances, etc.) i long for. but i'm so torn because the desire for these things is so powerful and is so deeply rooted within me. i can't imagine that God would put these yearnings in my heart and never intend for me to see their fulfillment. my assumption is always that i must want the wrong things. that i must have this vision for my life all backwards and obviously, it must not be what God really wants for me.

reading this i was like, hello! my dreams are God-given. and i can't achieve them by my own efforts, but by pursuing Him. definite light bulb moment.

so even in the face of things like a possible ruined cell phone, possible turmoil at work and all the other things that typically stress me out or get me down from day to day ... even with all of that, i have felt such peace.

so, if you will, see the devotion below. emphasis added by me.

Pursuing Jesus Above All

By Micca Campbell

Psalms 63:1, "O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirst for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water." (NIV)

What are you pursuing? What is it that you really want? Is it a successful career that you covet? Is it to be a musician, a doctor, or to author a book? Maybe it's a spouse you're dreaming of, or the desire to be a mom that you're longing for. Whatever your dream is, it's a God-given dream. In addition to giving you the dream, God has also given you what it takes to make your dream come true. We don't arrive at our dreams by our own efforts, nor can we make them come true all by ourselves. We get there by pursuing God.

I have found in my own life and ministry that when God reigns in my heart, blessings and opportunities pour down faster than I can make them happen myself. The best way to get where you're going is to surrender your dreams to God.

We are always in a hurry. God never is. While He has given us the vision of what we are to become, it may not be a reality in us yet. We have to let God work in our lives until we are ready. The dream is not what needs shaping. It's us. God often prepares us for our dreams through adversity in our lives.

Don't be discouraged if your dream seems unreachable. No matter what your circumstances are, God is at work shaping and preparing you for it. You and I may achieve some sort of success by our own pursuit, but it will never satisfy us like pursuing Jesus and waiting on Him to bring our dreams to pass.

When God alone is our true treasure, reward, and prize; when He is all we long for, seek after, love and adore, then He gives us the desires of our hearts. Only then are we ready to fulfill our purpose. No other person or thing can satisfy us like Jesus or prepare us for our God-given dreams. What are you pursuing?

Dear Lord, You know the dream I have tucked away in my heart. You know how I've longed for it to become a reality. I trust You today. I give You permission to work in my life preparing me for that dream. While You work, I will simply pursue You and be satisfied until my dream is a reality. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

a slice of that random

a continuation ...

i can be quite obsessive. but not necessarily compulsive.

i judge people on their written or spoken grammar, spelling and punctuation. it's not a deal breaker or anything, it's just like the errors have red blinking lights and refuse to be ignored.

i didn't get that solo.

i'm okay with that. i feel like God is in control of even frivolous little things like that and He has a reason for everything.

i've turned into a little bit of a font snob.

i feel like maybe i took a wrong turn somewhere in life.

i sometimes wonder where i'd be if i had taken the right one.

i have filled the margins of my note-taking notebook at work with mini rants. rants at myself, at my boss, at life. flipping through it is like watching myself go through this journey again.

i am seriously good with kids. that sounds like bragging, but it's really true.

i'm afraid i'm failing at my job.

i think water is delicious.

i think it's really cool that my mom blogs.

i'm ridiculously interested in the entertainment world; the lives of those who put themselves on display for the rest of us to scrutinize.

i think that maybe i should have pursued writing. or teaching. or photography. i feel like it's too late.

i miss my friends who aren't friends anymore.

i wish i was braver.

i'm afraid of "what if" ... i try not to be.

i want to go stomp and splash through puddles.

i don't want to do it by myself.

i feel like i have a deep seated knowledge that, regardless of how i'm feeling right now or the way things appear, i will actually have a successful, happy life. beyond what i even imagine.

i choose to believe God put that knowledge there, and that it's not simple delusion.

i miss my daddy.

i didn't intend for this post to sound so melancholy!