Thursday, February 18, 2010


Occasionally I like to scroll back through my blog posts and remind myself of where I was.

This is useful to me in that, sometimes, I find myself reading something that describes the way I'm feeling at that moment with incredible accuracy. Ideally, that shouldn't be the case. I shouldn't blog about how I'm feeling, how I plan to change it and then in months ahead, find that I've circled back to where I started.

Other times, I read something and I think, 'Wow, how freaking happy am I that that's not me anymore?'

Today I realized that it's been well over three months since I started toying with the idea of pursuing a different career. I mean, I guess I've always kind of got that in mind, but the beginning of November is when I actually started the process of mentally letting go of this place and sincerely hoping that it might be time to move on soon.

When I read that entry in November about how fearful I am of change and how much guilt I attach to things that definitely don't need it, I felt so blessed to realize how far I've come. I really think that I've actually always craved change. It's just easier to be afraid of it and hold it at arm's length. Today is a big day in the realm of change and I am so incredibly excited about the possibilities! Even if it doesn't pan out for whatever reason, I am so ready for the next step. And, although I feel the occasional pang of guilt here and there, I think I've done a good job in stepping out of that unhealthy pool. I will not feel guilty for trying to make my life better, as long as I'm not stomping on people's heads to do it.

I'm letting God have full control this afternoon. I try to do that all times of all days, but I'm especially focused on it today. I know if this is where God means for me to go, the path will be laid out. I'm so freaking excited to see if that's the case.

Here goes nothing!

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