the proverbial olive branch

my friend and i are kind of having a thing right now.

lately she's been terribly flakey and has bailed on me in some really important times, times when i really needed her. i found this really frustrating and also confusing, as she isn't normally like this. i've brushed it off for the most part until last night. on my birthday, while i was sitting having some dinner and cake with my family she informed me that basically the plans i had for celebrating my birthday would not be happening as i had arranged. they would have to conform to fit her schedule, her life, her needs. i got really angry and stayed that way for a while. i had to call people who had set their work and family schedules around what i had planned and let them know i would no longer be able to follow through with those plans. i really didn't like having to do that. i held on to my anger until this morning.

i realized this morning that i hadn't asked my friend if she was available to come to, or was planning to come to, church. the only reason she has come to church at all is me, so if i'm fighting with her, why would she come? i felt very strongly convicted and got the sense that maybe this abnormal behavior she's been exhibiting is some kind of something that is happening in her, not on a conscious level, that is trying to push me away. if she can push me away, whatever kind of whatever it is that's pushing me away can continue living on in her life, unchallenged.

i won't back down so easily. i won't be pushed away by some secular disappointment.

so i've extended the proverbial olive branch ... birthday cake. i'm heading there with some now. how silly of me to even momentarily let something as petty as my plans get in the way of something so much bigger: God's.