Thursday, December 4, 2008

not a child

i am truly not a child. as much as people assume i'm 18 or 19, i really am not. in fact, on my birthday on saturday i will be 24. now i realize that a lot of people would scoff at that and tell me i'm still a baby and on and on and on. and that's fine. i like being young. i realize i'm not but i'm starting to feel old. sometimes i miss being a child. i miss not having to think about major life issues, no bills, no rent. not having to work. being able to just be and no one had a problem with it. i still like it when my dad gives me big, long hugs that make me feel like a kid that he can protect from anything. i like it when he helps me change my oil or figure out what's wrong with my car or when he swoops to my rescue when i'm desperate and everyone i thought i could count on bails on me. i like it when my gramma and grampa hug me tightly and my grampa calls me "sis." and even though he's getting older, he'll insist on lifting something heavy for me. i like it when my gramma fusses over me, making sure i'm not hungry, that i don't need anything. i even like it when the good ol' boy type guys i work(ed) with call me kiddo or my dear or darlin' or whatever.

h o w e v e r. i do NOT like to be treated like a child by someone who is my peer. someone who is in ABSOLUTELY no way, shape or form in charge of me. i do not like being talked down to in such a transparent way that it's hard for my reaction to be anything other than a blank stare. i mean, looking out for someone is one thing, but speaking to a person who is not your subordinate as if you were their first grade teacher is absolutely disrespectful and insulting. thinly veiled contempt and an obvious superiority complex are not something i can easily tolerate.

i don't know. maybe it's really poorly expressed insecurity. i doubt it.

if i were someone who enjoyed drama and being in the middle of it i would say this and more to someones' face.

unfortunately, i am not. i am someone who will blog about this anonymously in hopes that it will be a cathartic experience and i will feel better. better enough not to punch anyone.

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