Wednesday, January 21, 2009

having a plan - the solution to the worst of days

today started off less than happily. in fact, it was one of the worst days in recent memory. not the worst day ever, not at all. in fact, it shouldn't even have been the worst in recent memory but it just hit me with that much force.

basically, if i were one of those, ruled-by-my-emotions, give-in-to-my-temper, walk-off-the-job-in-a-fit-of-fury types of people, i would have quit my job this morning. i bit my tongue until i could calm down and vent a little. i felt better at that point, but not 100%. but then i had some time in a meeting - where i was taking notes on stuff that i literally couldn't understand until someone translated for me - to sort some stuff out.

lately, obviously, i've been feeling like maybe my life is headed in a new and different direction. for some reason, it keeps popping into my head that maybe moving to california has something to do with that direction. i would never ever in my life have imagined wanting to move to california, so this seems a little strange. i've been spending a lot of time in prayer and reflection, trying to discern the correct course.

the other day, i was praying out loud in my car (something i do quite frequently. i should get a bluetooth so that at least people who see me won't think i'm crazy. even if i really am.) i was talking with God about what i'm supposed to do. i was saying how it feels pretty clear to me that i'm supposed to make some changes and that california is seeming like it's one of them. but how am i going to get there? what is the catalyst going to be that will cause me to leave my job - that i love, for the most part - and uproot myself and move someplace where i don't know anyone? that's so not me. i told Him it would be really helpful if i got some kind of clear direction, or some kind of sign or something ... i quickly amended that i would really appreciate if the catalyst was not me losing my job, although that would inspire the most prompt action i'm sure. just then, the radio - which i had turned way down to the point that you couldn't really hear it - played something that caught my ear. i turned it up in time to hear a line: "a kid from oregon, by way of california" ... and my jaw dropped. i listened to the rest of the song and then looked up the lyrics later. this is some of it.

Don't know where you're coming from but you're coming soon


To a kid from Oregon by way of California
All of this is more than I've ever known or seen


Come on and we'll sing, like we were free
Push the pedal down watch the world around fly by us

it's a great song. mat kearney. i was terribly confused because i was SURE i'd been listening to KLove ... but i could swear i knew that song from somewhere else. so i googled it and sure enough, his music has been featured on tons of tv shows, he's signed on a major label ... no mention of being a christian artist. but then my roommate informed me that she knew him because he started out small and he is actually a christian artist. anyway, it just totally threw me for a loop to hear this song that i was pretty sure was secular on a christian radio station playing this seemingly very key phrase ... definitely felt like God.

so then today. some stuff happened at work that just felt like the line was pushed. my boss has been a little out of control lately anyway. inexplicably turning against me and suddenly it's like i can do no right for him. it's been a little much to take but today was beyond that. it felt a lot like if i was a camel, this straw was breaking my back. luckily, i'm not a very rash person and i kept my head for the most part. but i realized later, perhaps this was just the catalyst i'd been asking for. didn't i say i'd rather not lose my job, but it would be helpful if it felt like there was a reason i should want to leave? and there you have it.

i started doing a little research into what other options i might have. and then in that meeting this afternoon, everything felt like it just clicked. i started scribbling down notes and came up with a loose one year plan for myself. i'm pretty jazzed actually. more and more keeps falling into place - on paper at least. i'm putting a couple of things into action tonight and i keep refining the plan, detailing it down to make it more doable.

i know that none of this will work without God's blessing and my own hard work. but i'm totally excited to see what comes of it. it's totally turned my bad day around 180 degrees. i'm thinking that i can definitely do another year of this life if it is actually working toward something else.

anyway, sorry for the mini novel. but i was just too excited to keep it all in!

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