new things

last year, my former roommate and i made a sort of new years resolution to do one new and exciting thing each month of the year. i think we made it about 6 months before we lost our resolve. funny things, resolutions ...

well, there are quite a few things that i've always wanted to do and i'm starting to take action on some of those. my current roommate gave me a quick, crash course in playing chords on the piano and now i have a handful of songs that i can actually fake my way through ... it's so satisfying! it feels like i can actually play the piano! i still intend to talk to a woman i know about getting formal lessons and once i have a pretty firm grasp, my choir director is going to teach me jazz piano. also, a friend is going to fix up and give me his old guitar so i'm excited to fool around with that a bit too. i've half-heartedly plucked at my sisters' and learned a few chords. but it's just SO hard to get my fingers to obey and curl the way they need to.

even just the little skill i've gained on the piano feels like such an accomplishment though. i have missed that feeling. i know that i am capable of doing and learning and excelling ... far more capable than what i've let myself become.

i feel so much better now than i have lately. it's not because anything's changed. in fact, some things are actually worse than before. but i think i feel better because i've accepted that where i am now isn't forever. something is going to change. i can feel that there is change on the horizon. i'm still not totally sure how it will play out ... how much of it will just happen and how much of it i'll have to push for. but i know now that i'm ready. i'm excited even, looking forward to it. as much as i might lament about hating change, i know that usually, once it happens it's an exhilarating experience. almost always ultimately for the better.

i am so grateful to my friends who have been so supportive of me. listening to me whine on and on about the same old things, just needing to get them out. helping me come up with options and to look at things from another perspective.

thank you. more than i can even express. thank you.